Accessing Self Through IFS
As humans, we’re complex creatures full of contradictory desires, fears, and conflicting emotions. We are constantly engaged in an internal push-pull battle to reconcile those contradictions—that struggle often leaves us feeling exhausted or disappointed. Within the structure of Internal Family Systems (IFS) those struggles are the result of conflict between different “Parts.”
Hidden by all the noise and conflict is the core Self. Essential, authentic, and undamaged. While the voice of this creative, playful, curious Self may be drowned out by all those other Parts, it is always waiting to be rediscovered.
What is Internal Family Systems?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a way for people to understand our complex inner workings. IFS techniques can be used both as part of therapy and coaching. According to IFS, our personalities are a mixture of competing “Parts” and personalities that each have their own desires, fears, and behaviors. These Parts all play a specialized role in our lives.
Internal Family Systems coaching in Ohio can help you better understand your inner world. Contact us to work with an experienced IFS practitioner.
Exiles
These are the Parts of our system associated with trauma. Because they are associated with painful memories or desires we see as shameful, they are exiled by the other Parts in an attempt to avoid pain.Managers
These are the overseers who attempt to prevent problems and keep things running smoothly. They’re the worry warriors who are always looking for danger or dysfunction. They attempt to protect parts from rejection and pain.Firefighters
These Parts are the internal first responders to a crisis. They leap into action at the first sign of trouble to distract us or dull any pain we might feel. Frequently, they show up in response to the presence of an Exile. Because they aren’t planners, their methods are often harmful or self-destructive. Binge-eating,
Separate from these various parts is the true Self. This core self is creative, kind, empathetic, and nurturing. It is forgiving, and loving, and engages the world with curiosity and playfulness. It is also subject to the influence of the various Parts. Without self-examination, the voice of the Self can be drowned out or overwhelmed by the various other Parts.
IFS strives to help people differentiate their core Selves and give them the confidence to take charge of the other internal Parts. The IFS model believes the Self is meant to lead the internal system.
How to Access the Self in IFS
Because IFS treats the individual as an Internal Family System, the goal of therapy is to promote harmony between Parts and heal their wounds. The first step in IFS Therapy is establishing a safe environment wherein the therapist and client can work together to explore and identify the different Parts that constitute their identity.
Once those Parts are identified, the therapist and client can work together to analyze and understand what each subpersonality desires and fears. By giving them a voice, the volume of internal conflicts can be lowered. When Managers are relieved of their fears or burdens, it becomes possible for the Self to emerge as a leader. When Firefighters recognize the Self is capable and confident, they can relax and stand down.
Think of the artist who is too afraid of criticism to release his work, or the person with social anxiety who desperately wants to go dancing, but is afraid of being laughed at. Managers keep us safe, but can also limit our creative freedom and enjoyment.
Similarly, the pain of our Exiles requires compassion and healing—a role the Self is uniquely well-suited to fill. When the Self is in control, those Exiled Parts can be reintegrated into the greater whole.
Firefighters, similarly to Managers, are worried about the sharp pain of rejection or disappointment. They drown it out with distraction and pursue dopamine to numb the heartache. When Firefighters are assured the Self is strong enough to endure those flames, there’s no need to panic and hide from the pain.
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IFS Therapy teaches improved self-awareness, compassion, and mediation skills. While those skills are used in IFS to manage Parts, we can use the same skills throughout our lives. Reach out to learn more about IFS and how it can help heal you through trauma therapy.
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