Infidelity & Betrayal Trauma
Have you recently found out about your partner’s affair, and feel like your whole world has been turned upside down?
Are you lying awake at night replaying conversations in your head, wondering what’s real and what isn’t? Do you feel tormented by mental images of your partner with another person? Do you feel torn between holding on “for the kids” and the deep ache inside that wonders how much more you can carry? Maybe it’s not a recent discovery, but you still feel affected even though it was long ago. Do you wonder why you can’t just forgive and forget?
Betrayal trauma happens when someone you deeply depend on, like a spouse or long-term partner, breaks your trust in a profound way. Infidelity isn’t just about sex or secrecy; it cuts into your sense of safety, stability, and identity. It’s why the pain feels so overwhelming and confusing. You may feel like you don’t know who your partner really is, or even who you are anymore. This isn’t “just heartbreak” - it’s trauma, and your body and mind are responding the same way they would to any major life-threatening loss of safety, identity, and security.
Betrayal trauma feels like an earthquake in your soul
Suddenly, the foundation on which you built your marriage, your family, maybe even your faith - feels shaky. And if you grew up hearing that you should always forgive, always stay, always sacrifice, it can make this heartbreak feel even heavier. You may not know what to do next. What you do know is you want the pain to stop, you might want your relationship to “go back to what it was,” and you want to feel like yourself again.
As isolating as this feels, you are not alone in your experiences. While how couples may define an affair or infidelity varies - betrayed partners can experience trauma responses no matter what kind of betrayal occurred. Nearly 70% of betrayed partners experience trauma symptoms like anxiety, flashbacks, or feeling numb and disconnected, blaming themselves, and feeling stuck. If you’ve been cycling between anger, grief, panic, and exhaustion, you’re not “crazy.” You’re experiencing a normal response to a deeply painful situation. Time alone does not heal wounds, and it doesn’t repair relationships. With the right support, you can calm the storm inside and begin to trust yourself again. Eventually, you can figure out what you really want for your future.
EMDR therapy can heal betrayal trauma symptoms
When your partner’s betrayal comes to light, your nervous system often reacts as though you’ve been hit by a life-threatening event - because in many ways, your sense of safety and trust has been shattered. So your nervous system goes into survival mode. It’s why you might feel jumpy, can’t focus, or find yourself thinking of painful images over and over. That’s where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help. EMDR is a powerful, research-backed therapy designed to help your brain and body heal from traumatic experiences like infidelity. EMDR Therapy is a gentle, research-backed approach that helps your brain and body process traumatic memories so they stop running the show. In EMDR sessions, you don’t have to retell every detail if you don’t want to. Instead, we focus on helping your brain “digest” the trauma, so those overwhelming memories lose their power. Many women find that with EMDR, the triggers quiet down, sleep improves, they feel more confident in themselves, and decision-making becomes clearer.
EMDR can also help with infidelity’s ripple effects - things like body image, intimacy, or even your sense of worth as a person or partner. If you’d like, we can eventually integrate sex therapy techniques to gently work through those areas, too. The goal isn’t just survival. It’s helping you feel steady, confident, and whole again - no matter whether you decide to stay in your marriage or move toward a different future. You may find yourself feeling stronger, more grounded, and more able to make decisions about your relationship with confidence.
Finding hope and clarity again after infidelity
Right now, you might feel like the betrayal has stolen your ability to trust anyone, including yourself. It may feel impossible to imagine a day when you won’t be carrying this pain, or don’t find it coming out sideways long after the affair has ended. But healing is absolutely possible. EMDR therapy offers a way to restore trust within yourself, piece by piece. Instead of staying locked in cycles of pain, you can begin to see yourself as more than the betrayal you’ve endured, and to finally stop blaming yourself. EMDR gives you the tools to calm your body and quiet your mind so you can think clearly about what’s next, without being hijacked by fear or shame.
With years of expertise in using EMDR for betrayal trauma, I help clients break through the numbness, self-doubt, and constant anxiety that make it so hard to function after infidelity. I’m ready to walk with you through the hard parts, so you don’t have to go alone. Our work together will incorporate principals from the Minwalla Model, which recognizes deceptive sexuality as partner abuse. Additionally, I have a deep understanding of additional cultural and spiritual pressures that you might be facing around marriage, forgiveness, and family.
As one of the only therapists in Ohio with specialized training in both EMDR and sex therapy, I’ve had the privilege of working with many women and men struggling to heal from their partner’s betrayal. My approach is both compassionate and practical, and free of any judgment towards you, your partner, or whatever you decide is best for your future. Together, we’ll work on easing the intensity of your emotions, rebuilding trust in yourself, and regaining your voice. And the best part? You don’t have to figure out the future right away if you don’t wan to. Therapy helps you heal first, so that when the time comes, your decisions come from strength, not from survival mode.
“What if therapy makes me realize I need to leave my relationship?”
It’s natural to fear that exploring your feelings will force a decision you’re not ready to make. In reality, the work we’ll do together isn’t about pushing you toward any specific outcome. I will honor and support whatever you decide is right for you. Our work together will focus on healing from the traumatic effects of infidelity, and building your confidence to make a future decision if you’d like.
“We’re already in couples therapy. Do I really need my own therapist?”
Yes. Couples therapy can be valuable, but it often doesn’t give the betrayed partner enough space to process their own trauma. A lot of times, partners feel desperate to “get their relationship back”and rush into couples work right after discovering/disclosing infidelity. This can do more harm than good, and ultimately leave the betrayed partner feeling pressured to repair the relationship or re-engage in physical intimacy before their nervous system truly feels safe. Individual therapy for betrayal trauma works in complementary ways that make your couples work even more effective.
“I feel so broken - what if I can’t be healed?”
You may feel shattered right now, but you are not broken beyond repair. Betrayal trauma is deeply painful, but EMDR and trauma-focused therapy have helped countless women find peace, confidence, and joy again. Healing is not only possible, it’s something you deserve.
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