Why Are Setting Boundaries Important in a Relationship?
If you’re anything like most people, you probably grew up without anyone teaching you the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships. It’s not a skill that’s taught in school alongside math, science, or English literature. As children, we often don’t have either the communication skills or agency to work with our parents on boundaries. As adults, we often learn those lessons the hard way—by getting taken advantage of by romantic partners and employers.
So what are boundaries, and why is it important to set them in a relationship?
What are boundaries?
If you think of boundaries as a fence, they’re there to establish your comfort zone. In a romantic relationship, the behaviors you’re comfortable with go inside the fence, and the behaviors you’re not comfortable with go outside the fence. When you’re first starting to get serious in a new relationship, it’s a good idea to hit the pause button and go over those boundaries with each other. Often, this can make the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic one. People aren’t mind-readers. You need to let them know what behaviors work and don’t work for you. By the same measure, you need to know what works and doesn’t work for them.
Setting your boundaries is a way of taking care of yourself and your partner. Boundaries are how you communicate your needs and desires. They can cover everything from how much time you’re willing to put into a relationship, to what sort of intimacy you’re comfortable with. These boundaries are not just about maintaining your comfort; it’s a way of making sure you and your partner take time to set clear expectations for what you want out of a relationship.
It’s important to note that boundaries can change over time! You might encounter situations or behaviors you hadn’t anticipated, or your life may change. Communication is an all-the-time thing, not a one-and-done scenario.
Set aside time to revisit your boundaries on a regular basis. Like anything else, getting good at setting boundaries requires practice.
If you are worried about setting boundaries in your relationships or workplace - get support! Contact us today to start therapy in Ohio, or virtual couples coaching.
How do boundaries help?
Establishing healthy boundaries promotes intimacy and feelings of safety. It can help prevent all kinds of miscommunication and discord, also. It’s an important first step in knowing that your needs are both heard and understood. When someone respects your boundaries, it lets you know that you can trust them.
How to establish boundaries
Establishing your boundaries starts with looking inward. You can do this with or without a partner and you can do it for many of the different relationships in your life. Friends, employers, and family members sometimes need boundaries too. Take some time to write in a journal or jot down some notes, considering the following questions:
What do I expect from this relationship?
How much time am I prepared to give to this relationship?
Are there any aspects of this relationship that worry you?
What behaviors & actions are unacceptable to me?
Once you’ve figured out what you want and what you’re prepared to give, the next step is to make sure you communicate them clearly. Don’t send any mixed messages—be true to yourself. Setting boundaries is all about self-care and empathy.
Next, it’s time to listen. It's great to set your boundaries, but you must ensure that you communicate them effectively and listen to your partner's response about their ability to meet your expectations. What concerns do they have? What do they need?
Be open to compromise, without priming yourself for discomfort.
Counseling and Coaching
An important part of healthy relationships is learning tools to help you navigate difficult communication, sharing the mental load, and mutually beneficial intimacy. Whether it’s couples counseling, Fair Play coaching, or one-on-one therapy, I would love to work with you on the process of setting healthy boundaries in your relationships. Sometimes it’s difficult to know whether or not those lines are getting blurry or being crossed.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.
